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I have narcissism disorder for example

  • I take criticism badly
  • Like to one up coworker
  • I get mad sometimes if coworker don't take my suggestion
  • Sometimes can be a ass without realizing it

How should I deal with this in the work place? Should I just keep my mouth shut and do my work? Note that I'm trying to keep the work environment positive for everyone.

Looking for any advice from other narcissist that has succeeded through similar situations especially. I'm not looking for therapy right now due to the time/money commitment only looking for things I can implement without going down that route for now.

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    Did someone diagnose you with the disorder? Were they able to offer any advice or resources for navigating life more generally?
    – matt freake
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 10:27
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    "Should I just keep my mouth shut and do my work?" as opposed to?
    – Azor Ahai -him-
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 18:00
  • How big is your company?
    – Michael McFarlane
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 20:39
  • Are you starting a job soon? If not, how long have you been there?
    – Michael McFarlane
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 20:42
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    This might be something that you should reveal in full to your boss under confidentiality so suitable measures can be taken.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Commented Nov 24, 2021 at 11:17

5 Answers 5

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The real answer here is that if you have been diagnosed, you have to talk to a professional that is qualified to help you. Don't take speculations/opinions of stackexchange crowd as an answer. Seek professional help.

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  • yea but I'm not looking for therapy right now due to the time/money commitment only looking for things I can implement without going down that route for now.
    – user129827
    Commented Oct 7, 2021 at 6:18
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    @naiva: I would expect any narcissist to have at least two excuses about not wanting therapy. Not enough time. Not enough money. When you get therapy you can talk about this mechanism of excuses with your therapist.
    – Tadeusz A. Kadłubowski
    Commented Oct 8, 2021 at 14:58
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I have autism/Aspergers, so I carry with me the "apparent lack of empathy"

The book "How to win friends and influence people", by Dale Carnegie, was a God send to me, it it might help you learn how to cope with your NPD. To sum up the key points:

  • Become genuinely interested in other people.
  • Smile.
  • Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Be a good listener. ...
  • Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
  • Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Make these a rules a part of your habits and you will have a far easier time in work.

Buy the book, read it cover to cover

And, get professional help, as needed.

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    Be aware that all of those things, if not done naturally and with restraint, can seem creepy and have the opposite effect from that desired. Here's an illustration… (some NSFW language)
    – gidds
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 23:47
  • "[...] a person's name is [...] the sweetest [...] sound in any language" — note that there are cultures where referring to someone by first name is rude (Japan, Korea, etc.)
    – yawnoc
    Commented Oct 6, 2021 at 7:41
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    @yawnoc I wrote "name" not "first name" for a reason. You are also wrong, because addressing someone by the last name in Japan, Korea, and Germany would all be rude without the proper honorific, must as simply addressing someone by the last name without the proper title in English would be rude.
    – Old_Lamplighter
    Commented Oct 6, 2021 at 12:25
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    @Revenant_Evil OK, fair point. However, in the same way that you wrote "name" instead of "first name", I likewise made no suggestions about addressing someone by last name.
    – yawnoc
    Commented Oct 6, 2021 at 13:08
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    "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." That's quite an overgeneralization. Also, I find it a bit odd that people jumped all over me when I said "You should look into professional help, but here's what you personally can do" in response to another question, but apparently it's fine when you do it. Why was my answer "medical advice" and yours isn't?
    – Acccumulation
    Commented Oct 10, 2021 at 0:32
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First of all (assuming that you have been officially diagnosed), a therapist/professional in that field can provide therapy and also guide you along and help you improve how you 'operate' amongst other individuals - at the workplace as well as in your private/social life.

I'am not a specialist in that field, but since you asked:

"Should I just keep my mouth shut and do my work?"

Here's my personal advice:

There is no need to shut up all the time..

Just try to evaluate the things you are just about to say in reflection of your disorder before you open your mouth and consider if the tone, content or body language could offend/hurt others. That advice is valuable not just for persons with a condition similar to yours - it's applicable for eveyone..

Another option is to train yourself in putting yourself in the other persons shoes (also called empathy) and think how you would feel if treated that way.

If you feel comfortable with it, you could also produce the medical confirmation to HR and your colleagues to inform them of your medical condition and see if there are possibilities of additional accommodation.

Note: I believe there's a smaller or bigger narcicist in everyone of us, complete altruism is unfortunatly an illusion when it comes to the human mind and nature.

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    "Just try to evaluate the things you are just about to say in reflection of your disorder before you open your mouth and consider if the tone, content or body language could offend/hurt others." The problem is that NPD impairs this process, so this advice is basically useless. You might as well be asking someone with a broken leg to get up and walk like everyone else.
    – nick012000
    Commented Oct 6, 2021 at 1:37
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You've recognized that your behavior is problematic, which is already a good first step.

The obvious next step would be to change your behavior, but that can be easier said than done. In the heat of the moment we often forget what behaviors we intended to change and fall back into our old patterns.

But what you can do is to act as soon as you come to the realization that your behavior in a specific situation was wrong and that if affected other people negatively. This realization can happen immediately, or even days later. Whenever you do get this realization, apologize to the people you mistreated and make amends.

I take criticism badly

"I am sorry I flipped out when you criticized me. I thought about what you said and I think you were right. I am going to try to improve on that thing you mentioned."

Like to one up coworker

"Sorry for trying to one-up you there. I shouldn't have tried to steal your fire. I will try to remember that we are a team and not competing with each other."

I get mad sometimes if coworker don't take my suggestion

"I thought further about what you said about my suggestion. You might be right, it might not be such a good idea after all. Sorry for being so pushy about it."

Sometimes can be a ass without realizing it

"I hope what I said back then didn't come across as me being an ass again. I am not sure if that offended you, but if I did, I would like to apologize."

But that being said, I agree with the answer by Willy Wonka: Reading what anonymous wisecrackers from the Internet like me have to say is no substitute for personal assistance from a professional.

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Whenever you have an issue that impacts on your ability to work the best thing to do is find work that makes it an advantage rather than a disadvantage.

So view it as an asset and find something suitable.

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    Being a narcissist does NOT make you a good actor or musician. It's a severe disadvantage in both fields. I can't think of a field in which narcissism is an advantage.
    – DJClayworth
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 14:51
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    @DJClayworth Presidential candidate
    – Tiger Guy
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 15:15
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    Cynicism and political jokes aside, narcissism is not a benefit to a politician. "Not realizing when you are being an ass" is a distinct downside. "Getting mad" and not being able to control it is also a serious negative. The people for whom it works are elected despite it, not because of it.
    – DJClayworth
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 15:22
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    @Revenant_Evil Please don't accuse people you don't know of mental disorders based on media accounts.
    – DJClayworth
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 17:34
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    @DJClayworth I'm not sure the evidence supports your assertion (in your 2nd comment). Arguably Donald Trump succeeded precisely because he had some of those qualities. Getting mad, having knee-jerk reactions, blurting out whatever was on his mind without caring what anyone thinks, and generally being rude and obnoxious to his opponents made him popular because it gave him an anti-establishment persona which was appealling to a large section of the electorate. He's not the only example either. Just look at Bolsonaro or Berlusconi.
    – Jon Bentley
    Commented Oct 5, 2021 at 19:46

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