Manager trying too hard to persuade me to stay on team

Question

Due to some recent changes in my life, I decided I need to start working remotely. When I discussed the topic with manager, he was sympathetic but explained that the work-in-office policy came from much higher up the ladder & exceptions weren't granted easily. The best he could offer me was more flexibility (coming in less times per week, arriving/leaving earlier, etc). Feeling like there wasn't a choice, I thanked him for the flexibility he was allowing me and I let the topic drop.

Not long after that, I saw an opportunity on a different team (at the same company) for a remote position. I interviewed & was given an offer. Although being remote was what attracted me to the position initially, I became very excited about the opportunity after hearing more details. I found the role's details (and the change of scenery) extremely appealing, and this new role is much more aligned with the direction I want my career to take (compared to my current role).

When I told my current manager that I would be transferring teams, he tried very hard to convince me to stay, asking me to push off accepting the offer until he has a chance to try to get an exception for me to be remote while staying on his team. I said no as politely as I could. Although I've had a good experience on his team and overall am decently satisfied with the work, the new opportunity feels just too good for me to turn down... and considering our earlier discussion, I was rather doubtful that he could suddenly get an exception for me to be remote. He disappointedly accepted my "no" and we proceeded with plans for departure, etc.

I'm now in my final 2 weeks on the team, and everyone knows I'm leaving the team. But it seems my manager isn't giving up yet. He told me that my skip-level manager would like to have a 1:1 with me and he has given approval for me to stay on the team as 100% remote (apparently this has already been approved by any necessary higher-ups too).

Should I meet with this skip-level manager? Honestly I'm not interested in changing my mind, even with their offer of being remote. While I'm surely affected by "the grass is always greener on the other side", it's hard to turn back once you've set your eye on moving to something that seems so good.

If I do end up meeting with the skip-level manager, how can I politely but firmly make it clear that I'd still like to switch teams, despite the fact that he got a remote exception for me?

Is this normal? I get that my manager doesn't want to lose a good employee, but isn't this type of pressure (and doing it once the news is already public) somewhat unusual?

And lastly... am I truly making a mistake by discounting their remote counter-offer so fast? In addition to the fact that the new role aligns with my career aspirations very well, I'd also be concerned that remaining on the team would backfire (similar to the reasons why accepting a counteroffer is never a good idea).

Answer 1

It feels like going to the new team is the better option for you as the new job matches your career goals and aspirations better although the current team is still a great place to work.

1. Should I meet with this skip-level manager?

Perhaps, you should still have a nice meeting with this skip-level manager. This way you keep a good working-relationship with someone higher up, and do not burn the bridge as you never know when you will run into him again.

2. If I do end up meeting with the skip-level manager, how can I politely but firmly make it clear that I'd still like to switch teams?

Perhaps, you can say something nice, simple, and diplomatic such as "Thanks for everything, I love the whole team. However, at this point, I'd like to expand my horizon..."

3. Is this normal ? or pressure ?

I would not call this "Pressure". It is normal for managers to try many things to keep great employees.

4. Am I truly making a mistake by discounting their remote counter-offer so fast?

No, it is not a mistake. You don't want to miss a wonderful opportunity because it may not last for very long.

Answer 2

To add one thing to the other answers - when you're talking about moving roles, talk about why you want to move to the other role, not why you want to move from your current role.

Emphasising the "to" piece shows that you're moving for positive reasons (career progression, goal alignment etc). Not only does this give a better impression of your priorities, it's tougher to argue with.

Answer 3

When I told my current manager that I would be transferring teams, he tried very hard to convince me to stay, asking me to push off accepting the offer until he has a chance to try to get an exception for me to be remote while staying on his team.

I feel like this is a huge warning flag. While he sounds sincere and nice, what he's really saying is, "Last time when you asked, I didn't really check into it because I chose not to."

Why suddenly with you leaving he's trying desperately hard to get you this very-hard-to-get exception? Apparently it isn't an exception if the position you're going to has remote right right off the bat.

My thought: leave and don't look back. Just thank your boss and leave. If you stay, trust me you're going to have a lot harder time with him because he knows he can get away with it. Sure, he might get you that remote position, but chances are you caught him off guard leaving. Chances are high that he's going to look for your replacement knowing that you can leave and once he finds that replacement, you're gone.

So just go.

Answer 4

Should I meet with this skip-level manager?

Yes. They are putting a lot of effort in to keeping you and it would be rude to not appreciate this, even if you want to go. You want to leave and as good terms as is possible

If I do end up meeting with the skip-level manager, how can I politely but firmly make it clear that I'd still like to switch teams, despite the fact that he got a remote exception for me?

The conversation will be easier for BOTH parties if you anticipate the questions and prepare and practice the answers a bit. Typical questions are "why do you want to leave?" "what can we do to keep you here?" "what about the other job do you like better?". These are all good questions to ask and answers you should have for yourself anyway.

Example: "I had a really good time here and I'm very gratefully to you and "Bill" for the opportunity I've had here but I feel the new job is better aligned with my professional interests and career goals because of XYZ"

The quicker and more confident you answer, the quicker they will let go and accept it.

Is this normal?

Doing his after a public announcement is a bit unusual but not unheard of. It's actually a great compliment for you: You did well, they like to keep you and they are not giving up easily. Don't perceive it as "pressure": you are given good options and you have the opportunity to pick the best for you

And lastly... am I truly making a mistake by discounting their remote counter-offer so fast?

We can't tell you this. Ask yourself the same questions that your skip level will ask: "why do you want to leave?" "what can we do to keep you here?" "what about the other job do you like better?". Write down the answers and make sure it makes sense to you.

At this point you will have to disappoint SOMEONE (either your old or your prospective boss), so just ignore this and make the decision that's best for you.

Answer 5

It seems your current manager was only willing to go to bat for you when his back was against the wall (i.e. you secured a better opportunity.) It's unfortunate but I think that if you keep the current job you'll run into some snags because there is no solid policy for fully remote employees yet. They would be making up policies on-the-fly, which might not work out in your favor.

With the new team, the role is already clearly defined as remote. This implies buy-in from management and HR, and is likely to be noted within the job description. There's a higher chance that the other team has worked policies out already, especially if there are other fully remote employees already on the team and things are going productively. This is to your benefit.

If you meet with the skip-level manager, go in with the notion that you need to guide the conversation instead of having the manager give you minimal lip-service to induce you to stay. Be prepared with a list of questions about policies related to remote work. You may find that there are questions that this manager cannot answer. For example, will the job title be changed to "remote"? You want to make sure that they are one hundred percent committed to the idea, and if not, move on.

Answer 6

In your shoes I'd have no hesitation.

Your manager made the effort of having remote work authorized for you only once you resigned. This is not a good policy at all and signals "we give the employees the least we can get out with". Moreover, the new role interests you much more.

Your feeling that accepting a counteroffer is often a bad idea is absolutely correct.

You should accept to meet with the skip-level manager in order to leave in good terms with everyone, but be prepared to stand your point that you're leaving and that this fact is not up to discussion. Be calm and polite but firm.

Answer 7

Having this meeting with a higher-up manager is pressure for sure. And from a company's perspective, it is a bad move. They won't lose you, they keep you happy in a role where you are a good fit.

Good companies have clear rules how to handle internal applications. The old boss should never have a veto power, at max he should be able to keep you a couple of weeks longer to finish a critical milestone or find a proper replacement.

If you feel to much internal pressure in opposition to your internal move, you might want to look outside the company next time.

You should talk to your skip-level manager but refuse to stay. They cannot offer you more than the new role. And you should not tell him the stuff I wrote above, that's just for you or any manager willing to change his internal move policy.