How can I explain why I'm using just audio in video conferencing, without revealing the real reason? [closed]

Question

My new company is headquartered in Japan, but I'm in an overseas office. Occasionally I must attend Microsoft Teams meetings in wee small hours. My selfish superiors know I'm in a different time zone, but they are intolerant. They still expect me to wake up early, get washed, and look prim. Everybody else uses both video and audio even in different time zones.

Previously superiors never asked why I turned off video, but yesterday my manager did. I froze, and I didn't know what to say! Please don't advise me to say the real reason!

I'm a woman. I don't want to use video when I've just gotten out of bed and have bed head and hair, and/or I plan to return to bed after the meeting — I'm too embarrassed to admit, and I don't want to look lazy. Undeniably it's unprofessional to attend meetings without washing your hair.

Answer 1

This answer was written before an edit mentioned that the company was headquartered in Japan. Since I lack knowledge in Japanese professional environments it's probably not suitable anymore.

I'd suggest having a few different excuses and using each one whenever someone asks you to turn the webcam on.

Remember that whoever asks is crossing personal boundaries, so you need not to turn it on unless it's required as part of your job. Having a different reason to never turn the webcam on makes it clear that you don't want to and should dissuade people to keep asking you to turn it on.

You could say "My notebook stays with the lid closed under my 2nd monitor and that's the only webcam I have". The next time someone asks you could say "bandwidth/connection cannot handle video properly"(as pointed in this answer). Another time something like "It's night in here and I can't turn the lights on because that will disturb someone/my cat/whatever is sleeping close to me".

Answer 2

If this is a peer asking me, or if I'm not under instruction to have my video on, then I would probably have said "because I don't want to", or "because I don't [think we] need it".

If pressed, then "Come on, it's two in the morning. Let's get back to the subject." would stop anyone sane from pressing for more conversation about it.

Answer 3

Is your company a traditional Japanese one? Since they have little sympathy for your need to sleep, it sounds like they might be.

If they are, then they might well expect you to be well-groomed and alert regardless of the time of day (or night), especially in meetings that include customers. They’d say that the efficient running of the company is far more important than your health and happiness. Any resistance on your part will be interpreted as laziness and disloyalty, and your career with them will be over.

If you were Japanese, you’d probably just apologize profusely, turn on your camera, and humbly accept the humiliation that comes with being temporarily scruffy. Then, you’d be better prepared next time.

If you’re not Japanese, you can try pushing back, quite firmly, as others have suggested. Even if you’re talking to your “superiors”, there’s a certain amount of “gaijin power” that deters Japanese from getting into confrontations. It can be very useful, at times. It’s harder if you’re a woman, but worth a try.

If you can’t tolerate being treated like an unworthy cog in the great Japanese business machine, then maybe it’s time to look for a job in a less traditional company.

Tangential story, for context: I worked in a Japanese company for a couple of years. I always found it remarkable (and sad) that when someone suggested having a meeting at 10 o’clock, we had to ask whether they meant 10 AM or 10 PM.

Answer 4

This answer is for the first iteration of the question. It's not suitable due to subsequent edits.

I'd probably just say: I'd rather not.

If they keep pressing you, you could then say: I don't think we need to get into it

If you were feeling charitable, you could say: I've just gotten out of bed which may be slightly less embarrassing for you. Maybe they could join the dots.

And don't worry, I've done those types of meetings before, wearing my pyjamas. It's not just females with bed-head that don't want to be seen in the early hours.

If it is just the hair however, you could consider some sort of head covering. Or even a beanie. But that's up to you.

Answer 5

My selfish superiors know I'm in a different time zone, but they are intolerant. They still expect me to wake up early, get washed, and look prim.

Normally superiors don't ask why I turned off video, but yesterday my manager did. I froze!!! I didn't know what to say!!! Please don't advise me to say the real reason!

I initially answered your question when it seemed it was about your peer asking, and it was an offhand question, and you don't want to answer due to embarrassment. You've since materially changed the question where your manager has mandated that video be turned on and you "get washed, and look prim." and you are not following their instructions.

If that is your manager's expectation, there isn't really going to be any good answer that is going to satisfy them. If you need to have a shower, get dressed, and look presentable, then that is something you need to either do, or have a discussion around with your manager.

You could explain that your process of "getting ready" can take a significant amount of time, and that once you've done all that it's difficult to get back to sleep once the meeting is over, which will have an impact on your ability to work your regular hours.

I can't afford to lose this job.

My recommendation would be to follow your manager's direction, while finding a way to tactfully negotiate with your manager. In addition, if they are very unwilling to change this, seemingly arbitrary, requirement then you should consider looking for another job.

Answer 6

First, it’s not unprofessional to attend a meeting without washing your hair - not if your manager is completely unprofessional and sets the meeting time at 2am your time.

When your video isn’t turned on, “because it’s 2am in the morning here” is a perfectly good reasons. But also, I’ve had plenty of meetings between London and Sydney, and before Covid we (in London) would just leave early, take all our laptops home and take the meeting 9pm home with the Australians at 7am. Insisting to have the meeting 4pm vs. 2am would be incredibly rude.

PS. There was a comment “What if it was a client call”. I think it was clear from the question that it was not a client call. And if it was a client call, it would be professional by the manager to tell the client that someone will be getting out of bed for them at 2am. Many clients would immediately delay the call by 5 or 6 hours. Others would at least accept that people look different at 2am. And if your clients don’t, that should be reflected in the person’s pay.

Answer 7

During daytime, take an excellent webcam photo of yourself in a professional setting. Configure your video call software to use this photo as a static image.

That way people see who you are, and what you want to be seen as, even in calls at night.

That the picture lacks motion like a video is, naturally, a concern. But it should still be better than having no picture at all, and it should be enough to resolve a large part of the issue.

If that is not sufficient, I'd refer to the other answers in addition.

Answer 8

I work for a company that has employees working all over the planet. It's not uncommon to have employees from the US, western Europe, SE Asia, and the middle east all in the same meeting at the same time, meaning it's a terrible time slot for at least one person.

One of my colleagues had his camera enabled in a recent meeting. It was clearly the middle of the night there. He was sitting in a dark room, lit only by the dim glow of his screen. A window was behind him, and the streetlight outside his building was coming through a gap in the blinds and putting a glare on the camera lens. We could see a general outline of the person, but the lighting was so bad I couldn't tell you what he looked like. Someone joked that he looked like one of those news interviews where they try to keep the person's identity a secret. He laughed and said it was around midnight there and that going anywhere else in the house or turning on the lights would wake up his family.

This incident wasn't a big deal for us because we don't typically use video in conferences (my colleague enabled his camera by mistake). However, it demonstrates that enabling your camera and showing off your unkempt hair and pajamas are two completely different things. Low-cost webcams don't generally perform well at night, especially those built into laptops. Keep the room mostly dark, with any significant sources of light behind you (basically the opposite of what those "how to look good on Zoom" blogs say to do). The right setup will enable you to turn on your camera when people insist that you do so, but will produce such a poor image that people won't be able to make out fine details. You end up with the same person-shaped outline that you would if you spent an hour getting ready. My sister occasionally gets conferences at odd hours and she'll do something similar. She pulls her hair back using her headset like a headband (everybody expects it to mess up your hair somewhat), throws a vaguely professional-looking sweater over her pajamas, and sits so that the lamp is just over her shoulder where it washes out the picture and you can't tell if she has makeup on or not. She projects a believably-professional image with only 20 seconds of prep. If someone asks why you don't have your video on, turn it on for a bit and show them. Your lighting is so bad at that time of night that the video feed is worthless, so you leave it disabled. Further reinforce your claim by having a clear, professional-looking video feed for meetings held at reasonable hours.

This assumes that the purpose of using video in conferences is social. If you need video to read people's lips, hold up objects to show others, etc, then a high-quality, clear image is required and this answer won't apply.

Answer 9

Edit : the original question now includes country information, which it did not when this answer was written.

Since this question is not tagged with a country, I will assume Norway.

I would talk to my manager privately about their expectations regarding these morning meetings. Let them know that you are uncomfortable showing yourself uncombed, and tell them how long it takes for you to get to an acceptable (to you) state in the morning. Do they really expect you to get up at X in the morning just so they can see your picture?

Notes: It is completely fine to say "I have just woken up, and still have bed hair". It is also, in general, not seen as unprofessional to have bed hair. But since you asked with these assumptions, my advice is to talk to your manager.

Answer 10

My boyfriend and myself are into naturism.

I usually put on a tee-shirt. But if my boyfriend is in the flat and is doing stuff (as he is off work) I will not put the video on for the obvious reason.

It is my home.

I do not have to explain what happens in my flat. Nor should you. Especially at that time of night as your better half may be up and about.

Answer 11

First of all, you have to understand the work expectations. Is the meeting within your regular working hours or outside?

From my understanding, it's not your typical working hours, and you are just attending these meetings out of niceness.

If it is a client-facing meeting where you need to leave a good impression, it's best to discuss it with the manager and find a solution. Otherwise, I don't think you are obliged to have video calls in the middle of the night.

Just tell them, it's late at night, and you can't have video calls at this moment outside of regular hours.

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Unrelated, but if your job is so terrible, maybe start looking for a new job too. Personally, I won't work at a company that requires me to wake up at 2 in the morning for a random meeting.

Answer 12

After the edits to the question:

This is not an issue you should raise publicly. Since I presume the meeting has ended by now (given that this question was asked 17 hours ago) and you made it through that meeting, the next thing you should do should be to speak with your manager, in private, and discuss this issue with your manager, in private. Points to raise include:

• You are a remote worker, and the only remote worker on the team, which is why you need special accomodations
• You live in a different time zone such that regular team meetings occur in the middle of the night for you
• You are not comfortable attending meetings in the middle of the night and would rather not attend such meetings if your presence is not required
• If your presence is required, then you will not be able to "look your best" for these meetings, and those attending should be aware of that
• If your presence is required and you are expected to look your best, then you would greatly prefer to not have to turn on your camera.

Depending on the company, your manager will probably be amenable to one or more of these conditions.

Of course, this also depends on your own personality: If your manager said, "we're all friends here, nobody cares if you have bedhead, just turn on your cam", would that be ok with you? In my opinion, that sounds like a reasonable compromise: it's OK to not look your best, we won't hold that against you, but just turn on your camera so we can see you're actually there and paying attention (and not having the meeting on in the background while you go back to sleep, for example). If this would not be OK for you, and you feel like you should either have your camera off or clean yourself up, that's a "you" problem, and it's therefore up to you to fix it. That might mean something like waking up 30 mins before your meeting to get showered and dressed before the meeting, if that makes you feel better.

Of course, depending on the company, your manager may also not be OK with any of these things and say that you have to turn on your camera and "look professional", just like everyone else (irrespective of the fact that your time zone change puts you in special circumstances). In which case, it's up to you to make a decision if you want to work for a company who has these sorts of standards; it may be worth changing companies to work for someone more local with less of a time difference.

Answer 13

One thing that may help you - if the problem is trying to get up and be fully cleaned up and ready at something like 2 o'clock in the morning - is if you know about the appointment the day before, you can simply remain ready as you sleep. Keep any sort of office attire on. Keep your hair how it needs to be (the best you comfortably can). Etc. Then when you wake up, you can take maybe a few minutes to grab coffee, spend no more than five or 10 minutes adjusting anything that needs to be adjusted, and be in good enough shape for a video call.

They can only see you through a computer camera. They're not there in the room with you. It doesn't have to be 100% completely perfect over Teams, just "good enough".

And when time gets short, even in Japan, sometimes the answer is to just look "good enough". For example, think of all the people who miss the last train and end up having to rent a capsule or a karaoke box for the night. All of them aren't switching into a brand new suit the next day and coming in perfectly cleaned up. All of them aren't keeping two or three changes of clothing every time they commute to work, in case this happens. (Although some may, if they have a strict enough employer.) In many cases, they just take a shower (if a shower) and make sure they look presentable.

But don't switch to your pajamas or anything on these nights. Go to bed still in full or almost full work attire, and thus wake up already almost completely ready. ...Just leave enough time for the walking around and the coffee to kick in, so that you actually sound and act awake by the time the meeting starts! :)

Answer 14

Ignoring all the red flags raised:

My bandwith/connection cannot handle video propperly. I'd rather have some clear audio.