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The co-workers with me (we are a new department in a university and hence have only a few workers anyway) are kind of showing a jealousy attitude and trying to corner me. They even pass hints at me from time to time in the middle of working.

Thers is one who is doing the same subject as myself (Let's say A). So I had tried to have a good relationship with A from the beginning. I know she likes to gossip and say negative things about me with others behind my back, but I tried to bear it and have peace with her.

At first it felt as if it had some effect. But when the others noticed that we two were speaking friendly, they started to imply the A that she is favouring me. When this type of a thought is put up, as A and me are not specially related, she becomes uncomfortable.

At first she tried to avoid what the others were saying by giving different excuses, but they didn't stop making her uncomfortable. Then eventually the A started to blame me for unreasonable things too. She wanted to be belonged to their clique apparently.

How to stop the only friend like person I have from going away to others and cornering me? Thanks a lot in advance.

Some more clarifications based on comments to my above question:

I found that this is related to jealousy by some of the hints they pass at me, some behaviours and also by the ways some of the seniors now block me doing some parts of work and giving them to some others to do. I mean, there had been a few positive comments from the students, but they've bit compared the others work too and so I'm now not given the work at all. If I try to explain all that it might get long, but if necessary I can explain.

Corner me, means they always show this negative attitude with hints. Sometimes when going for activities, they don't call me (earlier they did at the very beginning, and still do for others) but leave me to come by myself etc. Also, if I get appreciated or if I present a good idea, they cut me off by shouting.

Actually the boss (head of the department) is the one mentioned as A here. Actually, she doesn't like me to act independent so she is making me do all the works in my subject too, under her observations only so that I'm actually unable to interact with anyone outside the department that much freely. So, no much chance to impress the outside seniors with my work.

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    I see the issues, but why do you think they stem from jealousy? And what do you mean by them trying to "corner you"?
    – Aida Paul
    Commented Aug 6, 2023 at 18:52
  • I feel that way by some of the hints they pass at me, some behaviours and also by the ways some of the seniors now block me doing some parts of work and giving them to some others to do. I mean, there had been a few positive comments from the students, but they've bit compared the others work too and so I'm now not given the work at all. If I try to explain all that it might get long, but if necessary I can explain.
    – Hasini
    Commented Aug 6, 2023 at 18:59
  • Corner me, means they always show this negative attitude with hints. Sometimes when going for activities, they don't call me (earlier they did at the very beginning, and still do for others) but leave me to come by myself etc. Also, if I get appreciated or if I present a good idea, they get cut offed. @TymoteuszPaul
    – Hasini
    Commented Aug 6, 2023 at 18:59
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    VTC - Whilst this situation is taking place at work, it's fundamentally an Interpersonal issue and I think would be better addressed on the Interpersonal SE. It's borderline - but the key factor for me is that you could remove the workplace element and the question would read exactly the same, with the same fundamental problem. Commented Aug 6, 2023 at 20:00
  • Edit your question instead of explaining what you mean in a comment @Hasini as it’s written it most certainly needs to be clarified
    – Donald
    Commented Aug 6, 2023 at 22:23

1 Answer 1

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Don't make friends with any of these people. The nicer they are to your face, the more they will insult you behind your back.

You have fallen in with a bunch of insecure juveniles. Each one is terrified of being attacked by the others, and since none of them have any idea how to have a friend or be a friend, they are all behaving like cornered hyenas.

The proper way to deal with your co-workers is to think of yourself as the only adult in the room. Concentrate on the quality of your work. Adjust your expectations on what the boss wants, and think in terms of making the boss like you.

It will be difficult to harden your heart against the people that you spend all day with, but you cannot be worrying about what they think of you because their opinions are not founded in any way on your real value, but on gossip, innuendo, and hints.

The best reference for some one in your position would be Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships (Eric Berne, 1964). This book will explain how to be the adult in every interaction with your co-workers.

If you focus on the quality of your work, concentrate on pleasing the boss, and refrain from gossip, you will probably not attract the superficial approval of your co-workers, but you will eventually will win something more valuable: their respect.

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  • Thank you very much @A.I.Breveleri actually the boss (head of the department) is the one mentioned as A here. Actually, she doesn't like me to act independent so she is making me do all the works in my subject too, under her observations only so that I'm actually unable to interact with anyone outside the department that much freely. SO no much chance to impress the outside seniors with my work.
    – Hasini
    Commented Aug 7, 2023 at 11:08
  • I have actually accepted your answer, tried to upvote too, but I have no enough reputation. Don't know who downvoted it...
    – Hasini
    Commented Aug 7, 2023 at 11:09

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