How to handle a coworker who likes arguing to cause conflict

Question

At several jobs I've had a colleague that I had to work with who liked to argue over pointless things. It can be very frustrating and time consuming and is never productive, and usually is only tangentially related to work (if at all). How do I talk to this type of individual? I have tried only speaking to them about work related mater but they seem to be experts at going on tangents (for example I ask them to sign a paper and they start talking about how they can't use the pen I hand them because it's the type that doesn't work well).

It can be quite challenging. For example I was warming lunch up on the griddle and he walks up and says "is there oil on that" and I reply "yes" and he says "there shouldn't be" and I ask "why not?" and he says "because it's Teflon".

Also on a virtual machine I occasionally used he over heard me say I have adware (in the sense my google searches get redirected) and now whenever I'm talking to someone else about it he brings up "I ask again, why would you connect to the servers using a compromised virtual machine?".

Should I just ignore these unsolicited remarks? It's hard to know what I can believe him saying, for example I've never heard you shouldn't put cooking oil on something made of Teflon.

Answer 1

Don't respond at all to this stuff. Don't acknowledge it at all. Behave like you didn't hear it. Just mildly make sure he understands your request.

People engage in these kinds of inappropriate dialogs because they want reactions from people. They may think it proves to you that they have good ideas. They may also be doing it in an ineffective attempt to challenge authority.

When he says "this pen is inferior," he's inviting you to a debate about the merits of the pen. If you say, "the pen is fine," to him you're accepting his invitation, rather than just finishing the task at hand. The same is true if you say something to brush off his invitation. So your best course is to say nothing.

Later, if the problem is really out of hand, you can call him on the carpet for his arguing. "When you give me a theoretical argument when I'm trying to get work done, I feel like you're wasting my time and yours. You're doing that a lot. Could you please do it less?" But don't do that in the moment: he'll treat it as acceptance of his invitation to a debate.

If you're his drill sergeant in boot camp, you can say, "wiseacre recruit, give me twenty pushups, then sign the paper!" He will reply "Sir, yes sir!" Other than that, you don't have much choice but to ignore his invitation to argue.

For example

You: Jack, please sign this paper. (Place paper in front of him and hold out pen).

Jack: This is the wrong kind of pen.

You: (continue to hold out pen).

Jack: It's not a NASA-qualified space pen for microgravity.

You: (continue to hold out pen).

Jack: I can't believe you use such inferior office supplies.

You: Please, I need this paper signed now. Thanks.

If you can arrange this sort of thing to happen in public, all the better. Then this guy will feel the body language and incredulous stares of the people around him.

If it's about more substantive things, react the same way.

You: let's load this shipment on the truck.

Jack: these boxes are packed to be a bit heavy.

You: They need to go on the truck.

Jack: we really should use hydrogen-powered trucks.

You: the customer needs the shipment tomorrow. Let's get it loaded.

Jack: or, we could get Tesla Motors to make a line of electric trucks.

You: Come on, pick up these boxes, let's get this done. Thanks.

Answer 2

It takes only one person to say something stupid but it takes two to argue. If one of the parties to an argument is you, what are you doing arguing? If you don't cooperate, there is no argument.

If they start complaining about the pen you provided them so that they can sign, tell them to get their own pen and sign, and that you don't have all day! The rule is, if someone starts an argument with you, you find a way to cut it short. Interrupt if you have to, and don't worry about being perceived as rude - They are already perceiving you in a few negative ways already, so being perceived as rude is no tragedy as long as you get what you want in a timely way.