What can my boss do to help? [closed]

Question

I've got a somewhat complicated situation at work. For the past three years I've been recovering from mental illness. Two years ago I was offered a job at my current employer and accepted. My recovery has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with and I did not begin to experience significant relief until about 4 months ago. Needless to say my performance has been far below the standards that I have held myself to for the rest of my life and I am honestly sometimes amazed that I still have my job.

Anyways, my new manager is taking a more proactive role with things and wants to see me start delivering. Last week we had a talk and he expressed his disappointment that after our sort or "reset" talk I still have not adjusted sufficiently. Basically, he says he can tell I am capable from the way I speak, present myself, and ask questions. If he did not think this to be true he says I would not still have my job. While I had kept my illness secret from my company up to this point I felt I finally needed to disclose it so as to alleviate some of the tension, confusion, and frustration. I did so in a way where I was simply explaining that there have been variables behind the scenes, and that the timeline towards correcting those things has been largely out of my control. I wanted to explain that I am committed to becoming a better employee and have been working very hard to correct the things that have been inhibiting me. That said, I think he might be right that I've finally started to cross the threshold line back to good health and am capable, in spite of some remaining issues (residual mood instability, overly sedating medications, etc.). Those issues still need attention and work but I am deciding to do my very best in spite of them.

Even before the disclosure and still after, my boss has been saying he is completely committed to getting me up to par and has really emphasized that he is willing to help in any way. I want to give him a way of helping me but I really can't think of any. It has seemed that the largest and most looming obstacles have been squarely between me and my doctor. Anyways, do you have any ideas of something I can ask of him? I think asking for his help would be really good to establish more trust and connection between us.

Answer 1

The best thing for my mental health issues at work has always been generous flexibility.

Having a terrible morning and need a few more hours to get yourself going? That's fine, come in late and finish later. Not getting anything done and need to leave early? That's cool, just pick up the time elsewhere.

Sit down with your boss and outline a few examples so he can recognise these situations where he may need to cut you some slack, and commit to earning that trust in turn by making up the hours, delivering as best as you can, and going above and beyond when you're having a good day.

You sound like you've got yourself in a stable place - congrats! Keep it up, and remember to be kind to yourself.

Answer 2

1. Your boss is on a straight path to being very frustrated with you because he wants to help, and you are keeping him in the dark. In addition, if you are in the United States, the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) requires employers to make reasonable accommodations for those of their employees whose physical condition is less than fully able. Your boss can't make any accommodation if you are not telling him what accommodations you need.

2. Your medical information is your private information. But your performance on the job is certainly not. You need to make a list of what performance parameters your condition is impacting and discuss with your doctor what can be done to manage if not mitigate their impact. You may have to discuss some of your medical history with your boss - I would suggest that you discuss with your doctor what you can disclose to your boss without losing much in the way of privacy.

Your medical condition is not your boss's problem. It is only your boss's problem only insofar that he is legally required to make accommodations for your medical condition. On the other hand, your performance on the job is your responsibility and it is up to you to bring it up to par. You need to spell out specifically what accommodations you need from him so that you can perform. Vague bullshit about variables behind the scenes - that bullshit won't cut it because it's not actionable and this bullshit does not add any clarity to your boss as what your boss needs to do to help you.

If you are indeed on a path to recovery, you need to discuss your path with your doctor so that your doctor can work with you to minimize the negative impact in your workplace. Once you are clear in your mind what the negative impacts in your workplace are, then you schedule an appointment with your boss to discuss what he can do from his end to work with you and work around the negative impacts. If, for example, your meds make you drowsy at lunch, you should ask for accommodation so that you can take a short nap at lunch. Always pair a request for accommodation with a (short) explanation of the medical necessity for this accommodation. You may have to give up some privacy and it's up to you to decide how much privacy to give up. Fine-tune how much privacy to give up with your doctor.

Given your requirement for accommodations, you have no choice but to interact with your boss. If you do it right, then you will be interacting with your boss in a way that enhances your personal and professional credibility. If you interact poorly with your boss, then both your personal and professional credibilities with your boss will be at risk. Did I mention that your personal and professional credibility are your bread and butter?

Answer 3

"Let me know if there is anything I can do to help" is something bosses say when

• they genuinely want to help and will be happy if you give them a suggestion
• they want to prevent "well if only you had xyz I would have improved ages ago" or any other kind of blaming from you
• they want the conversation to end on a positive note

It may or may not actually mean anything. Certainly, if there is something that would help you (flex hours, a change in your duties, a different communication style from your boss, working remote on occasion, more feedback on your progress) then ask for it. But don't feel that on top of all the hard work you're putting in around getting better (healthier) and improving at your job that you also have to come up with a way for your boss to pitch in so as to improve your relationship. The one thing that will improve your relationship the most is you getting great at your job. If you can do that without ever asking your boss for something specific, that will be much more of a win than if you give your boss a way to help but don't particularly improve.

Answer 4

Having gone through this myself....

Remember one thing: Nobody at your company is your friend.

Talk to your doctors, counselors, et cetera and ask what kind of help they can give, you. Explain everything to them in as much detail as possible.

At work, check in with your manager at least weekly, if not daily, ask for metrics.

Your manager may truly want to help, but if HR has told him to get rid of you may be setting things up for ADA compliance, I.E. "We did everything reasonable, and there was still no improvement.".

The only way to work this out is to do all of the above, and get regular reports stating that you've been improving. If you're getting them, then your manager is on your side, if not, they're laying the ground work to fire you.