Why does everyone at work take me for granted?

Question

I am an experienced individual, but have worked at my current workplace for many years. I am super nice and say everything with a smile on my face and even if someone is a bit rude to me.

The problem is that everyone takes me for granted and shouts at me if I do something wrong, but not the others doing same or even making major mistakes. In short, they try to implement everything on me. They hesitate to tell others what to do or not even my juniors, but tells me anything that crosses their minds.

I am very humble and super honest. I always do my work before the deadlines, but this is the problem that travels with me wherever I go.

Answer 1

Forgive me for being blunt, but you are not being nice, you are being a doormat and you need to stop. You need to be FAR more assertive. Not aggressive. Not rude, but assertive.

I am super nice and say everything with a smile on my face and even if someone is a bit bad to me.

That's the wrong approach. If someone is bad to you, you put an end to that behavior. A simple "I'm sorry, but I will not be addressed that way" is a good way to be assertive. It speaks to the person's behavior, not the person.

the problem is that everyone takes me for granted and shouts at me if I do a bit wrong but not the others doing same or even making major mistakes.

Again, because you tolerate it. "So, why is this an issue for me, now, when Joe did the same thing last week?" Don't let double standards pass.

In short, they try to implement everything on me. They hesitate to tell others what to do or not even my juniors but utter anything to my face that crosses there minds.

This is an important thing to understand:

PEOPLE WILL DO TO YOU WHAT YOU LET THEM

I say this from experience. I grew up with a hearing impairment, mild autism, and poor motor skills due to an injury at birth. I was a huge target for bullying and it wasn't until I learned to stand up for MYSELF that the bullying stopped.

You need to stand up to your coworkers and not allow that behavior. Again, it can be as simple as saying "I will not be spoken to this way" or pointing out the hypocrisy or SOMETHING!

I am very humble and superb honest and also do my work before the deadlines but this is the problem that travels with me wherever I go.

So, the problem is you. The good news is that you can change that. Read books like Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". It helped me. Also, learn about assertiveness, there are plenty of books like that out there, but do something before your self respect is completely gone.

Honesty and humility are great qualities. Being a doormat is not.

Answer 2

You need to set better boundaries and stand up for yourself when necessary no matter what the cost or end result might be. Doesn't matter if it's someone junior or senior to you that you're talking with. From your tone of writing it seems you're trying to be overly nice and humble. Don't. Next time someone trying to drag you down despite you doing your job, be stern and assertive that you have done your part of the work. Do not apologize, do not nod your head and give in to what they are saying. Then cut them off and walk away.

If they still try to humiliate you/shout at you, remind them that they are in a professional environment and that this is no way to talk to a fellow professional.

An offhand advice I would recommend to you is pick up either lifting weights or MMA as an hobby. When you toughen up physically and mentally, you start respecting yourself more and others respect you as well. Bullys will always bully. You need to stop being the weakest one who always gets bullied.

Answer 3

You can be polite and humble and still be taken seriously. But as mentioned in other answer, you need to set up boundaries. Someone shouting at you is not acceptable and you need to convey that, with a smile on your face as is your style. You can be polite and firm. Just mention that this is not the way to behave.

In my opinion, people do not take you for granted because you are super nice. People do that because you don't speak up. And you don't have to shout to be heard. My college Dean was super polite and nice, but no one could mess with him because he would simply not accept non sense from us :). He was humble but firm, we could not bargain with him.

Another thing you can do is start speaking to people in person that their behavior is unacceptable. If you are not comfortable speaking up against this behavior in meeting, then you can wait for meeting to finish and tell them person one on one his behavior is not acceptable. This will make a big difference. People don't like confrontation. Most people will start to back off once you let them know you don't appreciate their behavior.

Another way to handle this is to complaint to such people's manager. See if you have some relations there. Make an issue on the behavior. Tell them you appreciate the feedback but not the way it is spoken and it should not happen in a professional environment. If it happens again, you will speak to Hr about it. That will pass on a strong message without you needing to change your working style.

Also, keep your work top notch. Its good that you complete your work before time. Please make sure that you use the extra time to review your work. As you mentioned, mistakes do happen. Accept your mistakes but pass on the message gently that the behavior is not acceptable.

Answer 4

You are super honest. So the next time someone shouts at you, you tell them super honestly that they are shouting and react to nothing they say. Anyone shouts at you, you ignore them. Walk away. They will learn soon enough that shouting at you doesn’t help, and the shouting stops.

If someone tries to tell you what to do when they shouldn’t, good answers are: Are you talking to me? What makes you think you can tell me what to do? Or the short form, “no”.