My company treated me poorly and now it's affecting my work, should I speak to my manager about it?

Question

I've been working at my company for about 3 years now. A job in another department came up, and it was the same role I have now but one step up in the hierarchy, so I applied for it.

I did the interview, they really liked me, and the next day they offered me the job. They didn't give any more details other than "we'd like to offer you the job". I was super happy about it, and I shared the news with a lot of friends and family.

However, when HR contacted me to officially offer me the role, they offered me a more junior position, with effectively no increase in salary. I asked why, and they said "you need at least three to five years of experience to do this role".

I replied "I have eight years of experience in this field, so that doesn't make sense". They didn't even answer that directly, but eventually they told me the truth that it's not company policy to increase a colleague's salary by more than a certain amount unless it's a special circumstance, or if someone is actually "promoted".

I told them in that case "thanks but no thanks, I don't want the job".

Now I hate my company. I feel so insulted that they didn't even bother to look at my Resume before rejecting me the senior role. This isn't the first time they've sent me a clear signal that I'm not valued as an employee, but this was the final straw. I feel insanely demoralized.

My manager has started to notice. In my last performance review, he told me that he thinks I've lost heart in my work, and for the first time in my career I was given a relatively negative score for the quality of my work.

I like my manager, and I like my team. I want him to know why I feel demoralized, but it's an awkward situation. I would essentially have to tell him "I tried to leave your team without telling you, and it went badly, and now it's affecting my work".

Should I speak to him about it? Is there a better way of phrasing it to him?

Answer 1

You are at a cross-roads with your career

Now, reading your description of the events, you feel slighted by the company and if everything you say is true - then completely justifiably so.

The question becomes: What to do next?

I would say the way to think about this is what happens when you make a marriage proposal and the other person says 'No'

You can continue the relationship as is. In some cases, this is the right option and the relationship can grow to the point where marriage (or whatever the next step is) happens.

But most often one person is left dejected and rejected - this breeds resentment and more importantly: What you thought you had to offer, was not what they wanted. Which leads to the second option:

You leave.

And realistically - this is where you are likely heading. As such, my professional advice would be to find another job, hand in your notice - then at your Exit Interview outline the reasons you were leaving:

• Stupid company policy (and it is stupid, because if you don't pay people what they are worth due to some arbitrary rule, the people that are worth more will leave)
• Having your experience disrespected
• HR screwing you over

But for now - I would put in the bare minimum of effort and focus all your efforts on finding a new job.

Answer 2

Your personal emotions are getting in the way of you behaving professionally and that's not good for anyone. If you want to keep your job you need to let it go. If you can't, you should start looking elsewhere. Shape up or ship out.

Look, I understand that this was a frustrating experience, but it's not all that uncommon and something you need to get used to. By definition the employee/employer relationship is a professional relationship. That means both parties have their own interests and goals. As long as these intersect well enough, it's a good pairing. If goals change or if a better intersection shows up, its time to move on. No harm, no foul. Neither party "owes" the other party anything.

"I tried to leave your team without telling you, and it went badly, and now it's affecting my work".

That would be kind of silly, wouldn't it? What you expect him to do? It's your responsibility to process your emotional response to the perceived rejection. Also doing this without letting your manager know up front was a bad move on your part and it's not going to help your relationship.

Should I speak to him about it?

Sure, but not to complain or whine about it. You can tell him that you got frustrated with your lack of career outlook but that you are determined to get it back on track and ask for specific goals and a tracking mechanisms to do so.

Ideally you want have a "career planning" session with your manager as well. However you just getting dinged for poor performance, so any career discussion should probably wait until you are good to excellent performer again.

Answer 3

It sounds like it's too late for this now, but the correct move after receiving the "official" offer and disappointing answers from HR would have been to go to your new manager (or whoever had decided to hire you for the new role), and ask them to get the offer fixed.

As others have mentioned, HR is not really your friend in this situation, and they're unlikely to bend policy for you — they don't have the authority to do that unilaterally. In reality, I'd argue that HR is most likely not the proper place to lay blame for your disappointing outcome. It's important to understand that HR are bureaucrats who implement the rules with little flexibility, and must act as directed by the business.

On the other hand, the manager of your new team has interviewed you, liked you, and wants you on their team, so they are motivated to take action to close the deal.

Make it clear that you're very excited to take the new role, but the offer presented by HR is unacceptable because you interviewed for a more senior role, not the junior one offered, and you're not willing to take the pay and/or title cut. You'll happily sign the offer you expected, but as it stands, you'll have to turn it down.

It's then your new manager's job to get someone with enough sway (whether that's themself or their manager) to make this a "special circumstance" and have HR give you the offer for the role you interviewed for and want.

In most cases, a good manager should be able to make this happen for someone they want for their team.

Unfortunately, by simply declining the offer after speaking with HR, you gave up any leverage you had, leaving you in the situation you now find yourself in.

One thing you'll need to accept is that this was ultimately just business and it was a negotiation, and — I don't mean to be harsh but this may be hard to hear — you handled it poorly.

Yes, a great company might have offered you the senior title and more money immediately, but businesses generally aren't in the habit of giving money away; you have to push for what you want and understand how to get it. In fact, they may have opened with the "bad" offer fully expecting you to negotiate it, and were surprised when you just said "no thanks".

So you could reframe your thinking about this situation to be less "I was treated poorly" and more "this was a (painful) learning experience about how to negotiate and get the terms I want". I imagine this will be the only way to get over your resentment and continue working for this company.

Otherwise, it's time to start looking for a job at a new company.

As for what to do with your current manager, the best course of action will really depend on several factors: how good of a relationship and how much trust you have with each other, how he's likely to react to finding out you were looking to leave his team, and whether you decide to find a job with a new company or try to continue with your current one.

The risk that you've (correctly) identified is that he will hear that you were quietly taking steps to leave his team and this will damage your standing with him. This could be simply that he takes note that you have one foot out the door and so he stops giving you the good assignments in preparation for your departure. At worst, there could be actual hurt feelings and/or he actively moves to get you off his team.

If you think your manager is likely to react poorly to this news and you've decided it's best to move on from the company anyway, then having a conversation about this situation will not be very productive. Look for a new job, do your best in the meantime, and part ways amicably.

However, if you want to try to fix the situation in your current role and think that you can have an honest conversation with your manager, you should do that. I'd frame it as asking him for advice on how to grow your career. A good manager will understand that their employees want to grow, and a great manager will very much want to help them in that endeavor.

You can use this conversation to tactfully explain what happened and why you've been off your game lately, apologize for that, and get his advice on how to grow — both at your company and in general. He'll likely have insights about how your company specifically works that none of us can, and can tell you the best approach for growing with the company (and hopefully even actively help you along that path).

Answer 4

The key here is, if you don't want to be treated poorly by your employer, then you should start your own company. Each and every one of us go through slights, poor treatment, uncaring managers/executives. By allowing your performance to suffer, you are allowing those idiots to win. A person you seem to enjoy and respect is noticing your poor performance.

The mark of a winner is dusting yourself off, from being knocked down, and doing things in your power to make your life better. We live in a world where performance is far more important than time in job. Years matter little when you are good in most circumstances.

This company does not seem to value you other than in your current role. If you want to move up and out of that role, then you will probably have to find somewhere else to do so.

The only thing you can control is your own actions. Focus on that. Focus on getting that next position in your career progression, likely for another employer. There is not need to waste more time with this one.

Answer 5

Companies are generally not the worker's friend. Their goal is to generate bonuses for their executives (who control the company policies) and profits for their owners (who pick the executives and control their compensation).

Payment to workers is to be avoided as much as possible for both of the above to be maximized.

There are companies that are good to work for, but there are others which are not. You just learnt that your company is not a good one to work for in the medium to long term, unless you are independently wealthy and don't need more money.

This isn't an accident, this is policy. They would rather pay you less and not motivate you than pay you what you are worth. They have an official policy of underpaying employees and hiring externally.

If you stay in this company, you won't be paid what you are worth.

So you need to start applying outside of this company while working on improving your immediate situation. Make your manager happy again, but don't expect to get fairly compensated from your current company. Get fairly compensated from your next job.

Use that as your motivation. Find and work on projects that look good to other companies.

Then leverage that into a good offer at another company.

Also try to talk to your boss about getting a promotion internally. Use that promotion to leverage a better job somewhere else - a company with the kind of policy you describe is not going to let you get a 2nd promotion any time soon, so once you have the first promotion, it is time to move on as soon as you can manage it.

Some companies are actually good to work at, and offer internal promotions and rewards; this is also an economic choice, where they believe motivated long-term employees are worth more than unmotivated ones and new hires. The next job might be such a place; if it is, stick around. If it isn't, well, use the same strategy above.

You already know you are qualified for a more senior position with a higher salary. Go grab that ring.

Just not where you are currently working.

Now, next to none of this is your manager business. Apologies for the blip in productivity, and say you had a temporary problem. Explain that you want to work on what is needed to get a promotion.

Don't mention why you had lack of motivation. Don't mention plans to work elsewhere.

Answer 6

For a different angle here:

Lets ignore your quality of output for a moment. How is your quality of life at work? Feeling undervalued, pointless and stuck, that is an express path to burnout. Burnout and depression is as much caused by lack of meaning, as it is by over-work.

It doesn't matter if you believe your feelings are unjustified, they are there, and ignoring them can and will hurt you. The damage control you need to do is to your health, your CV, your references and your daily quality of life, first and foremost.

Your relationship with your employer has changed, and that will not magically change. Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

Answer 7

It looks like you have stepped in a well-known trap: the employer treats me poorly, so I work poorly, so the employer treats me even worse, so I work even worse, and so on. I am not saying that you should tolerate whatever your employer chooses to do to you, but you should not forget that you don't work just for your employer, you also work for your resume. When you perform poorly, you also harm your resume and make it more difficult to find a new employer and get rid of the abuse from the current employer.

I don't see any upside of complaining to your manager. Your manager just wants you to perform better, and that is what you should do to build you resume and have more freedom to change jobs. Don't forget that staying at the same company for a long time may not be the best way to earn more.

Answer 8

It's fine to talk with your current boss about the situation - as long as you have some moderate amount of trust. It's not unusual for people to want career progress. There are also benefits to a manager placing people in another team at the same firm. Though they lose a good person, they get multiple contacts and allies elsewhere, and it's evidence they think of the bigger picture when they are making their own cases for advancement. They can even help argue for more pay in the new role.

If it is a problem of wanting to work on something new, it's easier for your manager to do that when they know it is something you are seeking.

If you don't trust your manager, or there is some general problem of toxic culture at the firm, just stay quiet. But if there's general problems like that, you should probably be looking for a job elsewhere anyway.

I don't think some disappointment is unreasonable. But if it's impacting your performance, best to problem solve and look for work you find more challenging, internally and externally.

Answer 9

Please do not forget that the manager is part of the company, not your friend in this situation. Most likely, HR did not contact you before talking to him first.

If your manager did not already provide you with alternatives of growth in the company, but decided to push you down, things are quite clear. Update your CV and use it elsewhere.

It is the job of the manager to notice the trends and the needs in the team and be proactive about it. Even if he failed at the beginning, he could have done something about it after the fact. But he went with the company, to push you down.

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A job in another department came up, and it was the same role I have now but one step up in the hierarchy, so I applied for it.

That was actually your mistake - a "beginner's" mistake: you went to the interview without talking with your manager first. You hurt his feelings, and the feelings of other managers as well. And managers are like some women: they never forget.

So you really need to learn your lesson from this experience. If you continue doing such mistakes, you will run out of companies where to apply for jobs.

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I know about this kind of situation from some previous job, where the managers created very strong mechanisms to prevent people from moving between departments. Even though there were exceptions, the rule for everyone was: get fscked in the place where you are now, or leave the company (it was called "the policy of open doors"). Needless to say that the company was always full of students and fresh graduates - for filling the emptied places.