New answers tagged

0

Is there a pattern? I tend to end up on multiple team dinners/events in a year (especially counting leaving drinks etc.). I have missed plenty and at everyone I have attended there are people missing for one reason or another. I can't see an issue with missing one. If you miss all of them I could see it being an issue. It won't be taken badly. Just say ...


0

I think the answer to this question depends on what line of work you're in and how high in the hierarchy you are, as well as whether you are hoping to get promoted or not. To be clear: if you are an hourly worker, there is typically a low expectation for putting in unpaid hours. You would be completely in your rights to declare all unpaid time yours and act ...


3

The only time this would be unacceptable is if you knew prior to being a coach that you had this dinner. But if you are already a coach, and this dinner came up, simply say you have prior obligations and cannot make it. If asked, just be honest and say you are a coach for a swim team.


69

I've seen a number of questions lately that seem to be almost self-answering, if you follow one simple guideline: Unless you have a very good reason not to, simply tell the truth with respect and politeness. This isn't just a guideline for this particular question; it's a good mode of thought going forward. In this case? Your boss wants to throw together ...


-6

so I'm not sure what to do or just leave it? Leave it, there is nothing constructive you can do about it that is guaranteed to end well for you. Plenty of things can potentially end badly for you though. Save your ammo for winnable battles with a clear objective and positive result set, don't enter into conflicts without even knowing what you want the ...


9

Usually, team dinners aren't mandatory. They're great for team building but you're not forced to go. You can politely decline explaining that you have other engagements or personal constraints. But, if you are available another evening or on week-end, you can ask to change the date: Thanks for the invitation but due to personal constraints, I'm ...


124

Just say that you have a prior engagement that you can't decline, and that you're unable to accept this invitation. It won't be taken badly, and won't have an effect on your career progression in this company. It's accepted that event dates or times might not suit everyone.


0

Your culture is sure to have enforcement structures. Use them. I acknowledge that I am an outsider, and I do not know the details of how things work, but it seems that the Jante Loven is all about not putting yourself above your group - not claiming glory for yourself, and so forth. Is this not exactly what your coworker has done? He stood up in front of ...


4

You shouldn't reach your coworker and ask them if they are offended only because it seems to you that recently they don't greet you as you actually expect them to greet you. There're plenty of reasons why one can be lost, distracted, excessively meditative and so on and so on. Even more, there's no obligation from any of your coworkers to like you - there'...


0

First, it's probably not "he dislikes you because you use a foreign language". It may well be damaging you socially to do that, but you've apparently been doing it from day 1, and this guy was quite friendly until a few days ago. That's not the cause of this problem. So, you're trying to repair the social situation, find out what's going wrong, and not ...


-3

I wouldn't approach the coworker since you've already asked him if he is okay once and he didn't tell you anything. If the problem is with you, he may not want to directly confront you with it. If the problem is personal, he may not want to open up to you about it. Let your manager know you think he has some issue and ask them to get involved.


7

I'm not aware of any culture where it's appropriate to repeatedly ignore colleagues, despite their best efforts to communicate. The supervisor is never around during the meetings, or fails to pay attention. Then bring it to his attention. Bob, I've repeatedly tried to engage with Sandra during these meetings so we can collaborate and work together, ...


3

You seem to do everything in your power to force her to cooperate, which she refuses actively (or rather passively-aggressively). A third co-worker has also experienced this lack of cooperation and in team meetings, you say she is, again, non-cooperative. Culture difference or not, when you go into a job which requires team-play you adjust yourself to the ...


2

Provided that you do not want to escalate the issue to a third party: You say she is a feminist, so approach the issue with queerfeminist sentiments she can relate to. A major tenet of (significant parts of) the trans community is that you should not ascribe a gender to another person based on looks or behavior. Which, as you realize, is exactly what she ...


-8

Fight fire with fire. If they accuse you of being anti-trans, accuse them of being anti-feminist and/or homophobic. Leaving aside the sexual harassment issue that some other answers have addressed adequately (going to HR is a good idea), there's something else you've missed about this situation. One of the central theses of modern feminism is, essentially, ...


81

The transgender part of this doesn't actually matter, so don't let the other party make it matter I'm really hesitant to go to HR (we have one) because I know that the world is really pro-trans these days (which is fine) and I don't know how the company will handle it ("HR is not your friend" and all). The way to deal with that, is to simply not ...


1

How can I make her stop? You probably cannot. I can see how this situation has been bad for you but I would give her one last chance. The next time she brings up the subject of gender you tell her something like: I have already told you that this is a subject that I am not going to discuss with you. Please do not bring this up again ever. If you do, ...


103

What you describe comes across to me as blatant sexual harassment. I recommend having a private 'chat' with this colleague, where you make it clear that you consider their behavior to be harassment and if they persist, then you will not hesitate to take the matter up with your Manager and HR. This is their opportunity to avoid it turning into a formal ...


32

Warn her that you consider what she is doing is harassment. Document it. If she stops fine, but if not go to HR. If you get no satisfaction there, then seek advice of an employment attorney. This person is being a bully and trying to make you conform to their view of the world. There is no difference between this behavior or the more traditional forms ...


18

While sudden onset gender dysphoria is a thing, it sounds as if your coworker may be projecting a bit. I've known very masculine women, and I've known very effeminate men. It doesn't mean that they are trans, or gay, or anything else. This is clearly harassment on your coworker's part, and while typically HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, it may already be past ...


2

So from your post this is what is going on in your life: Marriage on the rocks Nursing school Two jobs Mental health issues Parents getting a divorce . .... Coworker drama I've numbered them like that on purpose. While you did not go into detail, anyone with issues 1-3 are bound to have some level of mental health issues. That is no surprise there. Now ...


0

Could it be a prank or other manipulation rather than a genuine firing? It's a "out of left field" answer, but I would suggest you consider whether this could be a prank, or a sort of 'hazing ritual', or a set-up by a rival, rather than a genuine firing process. Maybe something that happens to all new people (or maybe it's just you!). On the surface of it, ...


1

Why do you even care?! They can criticize all they want, just as long as they also PR good, valid fixes. As others said, the code they're fixing is what got the money to hire them in the first place. You might want to remind them of that. Daily. Seriously though, let them complain their heart out, write a page long commit messages, the whole shebang. Just ...


2

I'm not a lawyer, but one question that does come to mind is: are you really forbidden from drinking during lunch? I mean, was it conveyed to you in some unequivocal, official company manner, for example, a guidebook, a new workers orientation day or, worse for your case, in the contract? Again, no lawyer, but if the answer is no and is genuine, or it's ...


4

It sounds like your manager is not one of these two. So tell him/her what is going on right now. Hopefully, he can solve the problem. If he can, than you have nothing more to worry about. If he cant, then if you choose to leave, then he will be more understanding of the situation and less likely to give you a negative recommendation.


0

The problem is that this is you fault in a way. Because you've programmed against the API without knowing, what the routines you're using are actually doing. Because from what you've said, nothing was documented. It's a common practice to make some common thought assumptions about how some other piece is going to work, both withing company or with third ...


3

If you need quiet time all day long to get any work done you'll be hard pressed to find a good solution. You might want to consider looking for a different kind of job that allows you to sit on your own but those jobs have their own difficulties. Given that statement, let's see what you can do to mitigate the problem. Preferably try to combine as many ...


2

You should use both options. Asking your deskmate politely to keep it down is fine. As is moving if possible. If all else about your job is ok, then you don't have any insurmountable issue to deal with. Just annoyances. Your solution 3 is problematic.... sleep is important, without enough you will be easily irritated at noises and more sensitive to them. ...


32

Whenever you are denied compensation which you believe that you have earned, you need to consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Even though you did break a rule, and were terminated, that might not preclude you from your commissions. The story, as you said it, is very sketchy. The fact that your manager bought you the drinks, which got you fired ...


8

Is being singled out for termination, and losing commissions to the manager for drinking at lunch with the manager and co-workers ethical? It's probably not very nice and not very ethical, assuming you were intentionally singled out as you wrote. But if you are prohibited from drinking during work and you did it anyway, it's probably within their rights ...


19

Well, if you're prepared to quit, then you really don't have anything to lose. However, it's not a good practice to quit over a situation you never informed your manager of, and never gave them a chance to address. You should inform your manager of the situation immediately, and especially how it's affected you to the point that you want to quit ...


4

If you have another job to move into where you feel the working environment will be more calm and supportive, then just hand your notice in and leave. If asked, just say that the new job is a better fit for your future plans and leave it at that. You don’t have to declare the actual reason for leaving.


2

and are in fact the only two people to witness our discussions Are you speaking in person? Have you patted him down for hidden cameras? Have you checked your office space for hidden cameras? If you have not done these things then you are making significant assumptions. He will then try to blame me for the failures. We then waste time proving it is not ...


3

They can get over it. That code they’re criticizing is the same code that opened up the opportunity that required additional developers to be hired (aka them). Without it, there’s no reason for them to be there. Short story is that developers are there to improve the code (same story everywhere else). If it’s not doing something that it should be, to make ...


1

To move forward, I suggest a strategy meeting with you and the other two developers. The objective should be to plan the next phases. There are at least three things that need to be covered: Any new features that are needed. Cross training. Bringing the early quick-out code up to full production quality. Topics should include how to balance work on these ...


0

Get them together for a little talk. Tell them like it is: You put this code together quickly to get the company to a point where it would get funding which is used to pay their salaries. Without the code they are complaining about, they wouldn't be working there. Tell them: If you don't like it, fix it. Quietly. Without complaining to me. PS. If they ...


1

Agree with the answer by @PeteCon. You might be going into a defensive mode, because it is your code and somewhat a reflection of your skill. You say, there is no regard to the constraints you were facing at the time of writing, but that does not really matter. Bad code is bad code. If you created something functional, but not maintainable, then there is ...


3

I doubt the climate would improve if you told you take these criticism personally and you would like them to stop, nor if you did escalate the matter. You could gain that they stop criticizing openly, but that will not change what they may think and will be detrimental to your relationship as colleagues. Criticizing the other developer's work is being ...


27

You made a tactical decision to accept some technical debt in order to deliver a finished product which was functional. You worked from a blank sheet of paper, and made something which is good enough that clients and investors want to use it. Take pride in that - it should be one of the first lines on your resume. Now the system is growing in maturity. You ...


1

"What could be the cause of his behaviour" A. He forgot because the system is too complicated for him to remember it all. B. He has poor listening skills and you are verbally asking him questions. C. You have a history of accusing his side of having the problem without providing sufficient evidence and/or him proving you wrong. D. He's trolling you. He ...


2

Sometimes people do not naturally volunteer information (or forget it until recalled via a detailed line of thought). I have found in my years that some people are very forthright with information in detail, while others you need to squeeze it out of them. What I do these days for such people, is to ask very specific questions. Using your example, as an ...


24

This appears to be very much an interpersonal problem, and not necessarily initiated from the OP's side. I disagree with most of the other answers, since they try to ignore the "why" of the problem. They want to say "fix the process" or "do this/that for better communication" without understanding the reason for the coworker's behavior. There's several ...


5

I'm going to skip answering about proper procedure and focus a but more on the IPS: At the end, when he tells you the actual problem, I would reply with a simple, non threatening: Wait, you knew the answer from the beginning? Why didn't you say, we could've saved a few hours? Say that 'surprised', not hostile. It's a somewhat confronting aproach, but it ...


43

I had a coworker with similar issues. I disagree with the other answers about not needing to understand the reasons behind the behavior. Once I found out the reasons, I was able to take a different approach which was somewhat more effective. In my coworker's case, the cause was actually a relentless drive for quality in his system. Because quality was his ...


73

Your company needs a better testing culture. I can't understand why my integrations are failing Do the tests for the API you're integrating with pass? If so, then can you write a new test to reproduce the case that's failing for you and give it to your co-worker? He will then try to blame me for the failures. We then waste time proving it is not my ...


5

What could be the cause of his behavior I really does not matter. Your problem is not your colleague, your problem is the threat at the success of your project. how can I resolve it The easiest way to solve it is to identify the real problem. Your question focuses on the secondary problem - the behavior of the colleague. I have responsibility for a ...


4

What could be the cause of his behaviour We can't tell, but it does not matter. This is simply a matter of following a process. and how can I resolve it? Why is his system not documented and reviewed? At least the interfaces? Stop whatever you are doing and push for that. Push your PM or joint management and back it up with the number of hours ...


10

There are two questions: What could be the cause of his behaviour We don't know, and frankly speaking, we don't need to know. and how can I resolve it? If this is a pattern, then it indicates a deliberate attempt to degrade / sabotage the work, intentionally or unintentionally. Try to limit the face to face communication and stress on written ...


0

I think there is something you can do about your manager, but you shouldn't approach HR by relating your story like this. You will need to show specific examples, what you've tried, and the outcomes before you'll have a real complaint. It's not clear from the story about the vacation that Dick refused the extra day due to an actual work issue or if it was ...


5

I'd suggest speaking to the other developer first. If your first step is to go to management questioning the guys credentials (not matter how on the money you might be), you will likely engender a negative working relationship. Instead, have a chat with him and air your concerns. Maybe you'll find out he already knows this and has been busting his gut to ...


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